Anna Plays Pico Sim Date

I think I might have already played the second one in this series but I don't think I've ever played the first one.
Should be an adventure and a half anyway.

Ahhh, MS Paint. It's been awhile friend. It's been a damn long while. Oh how I have missed you with your... fill bucket.
It's asking me to customise my Pico now and I'm not sure what I'll pick. If I was a guy playing this game, what would he think that a girl would want in a guy?

Perfect.
This guy's face looks like a turtle. Why is his name Pico? Shouldn't it be Franklin or Sheldon?
So going through the opening scene, pretty standard, just a usual setup then:

WOAH WHAT. THAT TOOK A GENUINE AND SHITTILY GRAPHICALLY DESIGNED PLOT TWIST.
Congratulations on your imagination, Pico Sim Date. Usually the "plot" of these games is some flimsy premise in which the shy but sexy protagonist must date around before some predetermined time runs out.
Kudos, PSD. Kudos.
Wait I skipped it but apparently Pico said "I never thought I'd get with an Asian chick." Huh. Huh.

Is he implying suicide? Did his friend (or maybe his brother?? Idk) state that if he lived for an excess of five years something would be wrong as he should be dead? Or is Pico just a bit of a dick?
I'm guessing the latter rather than the former.
Also, I hope to all the saints in heaven that Pico actually said "Colon capital d"
[Side note: That is an awesome superhero name and I have dibs on it]

You  know, Darnell, I'm trying here. I'm really trying here. But you're going to have to throw me a bone here so I have some faint, even just an echo, idea of what the hell you are talking about.

DARNELL PLEASE DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE FIVE YEARS OLD PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
Screw this. I'm skipping the opening.
And now it's time for me to do what I was put on this Earth for.
Hitting on simulated females within an internet flash game.
Boo-yeah.
You know, of all the options they're giving me going on the school bus seems the most enticing.
Oh I'm at school now.
I'm really sad now I thought there would be some area on the actual school bus with me trying to sit next to the girl I liked but I guess not...
In the words of the ever so wise Pico; ":("

So this is the first girl I've met so far. She seems a little bit obsessed with pink. y much pink gurl??
It washes her out a bit.
Let's "talk" to her. There's nothing wrong with talking with someone right?

I think I might be in love. That is exactly what I would say to Pico. Wait to go, gurl.
She's perfect.

This game is so 2008 I am hit with nostalgia and also past-me loathing.
Also; INTRODUCTION OF BOSS/SOME SORT OF PLOT.
[Dramatic music plays]
Emo David just attacked me. I think he's meant to be a zombie. Some sort of conspiracy perhaps?
Anyway I'm just leveling up my stats and things... pretty standard stuff.
It's 1.30 AM.
I'm done.
Sorry Nene... I will always less than three you.