French Characters

There's  a few people that I have met whilst in France that are either just so stereotypical or wonderful or just plain freaking hilarious that I just want to kidnap them and take them home with me.
I have about three in mind that justify this.
I'll start with V. V is like a robot. A French, tall, skinny robot. The only thing he is capable of doing is cooking. And he is really good at cooking. The kind of level which makes people go, "Wow! You're good at cooking!" But I have a theory that his internal hard drives memory is mostly taken up with megabytes on how to be a cook and how to whisk cream and separate eggs and whatnot that there is nearly absolutely no space left for anything else except for basic functions like breathing. I'm not sure he even does that. There's only been two times that I remember him smiling. The first was when for the sport thing I was tapping my foot to Rhianna (unfortunately) and when I turned around him and R were there applauding me. And, like any normal person, I bowed and blew them kisses. The second time was when he was putting away a spoon but I needed the spoon so he gave it to me instead. Actually, I smiled at him as well.
It was just one of those moments.
The second is G. I've forgotten his name, but we'll stick with G. Anyway, G is a stereotypical homosexual. I'm not entirely sure if he is actually one, but I hope he is. To confirm this, let me give you an example of his inherent homosexuality; for that sport thing that always seems to be cropping up- what did he do? He wore a tight black t-shirt and sassily saluted to the Village Peoples "In the Navy". If he's not gay, then I'm not very observant. He speaks English with an American accent.
Thirdly, and most likely finally, we have Gold. I'm calling him Gold not because he's like Gold but because the first two letters of his first name is Au. Gold is a druggie and a cheater. I don't know why, but I just find his entire personality freaking hilarious. He's a horrid cheater. Really suss. We were doing a test in Gestion and his very intelligent mind told him that the best way to cheat was to put your closed book on the floor and when you thought the prof wasn't looking, you bend down and kind of noisily open it. Surprisingly, it worked. Gold is also the person who got me mildly drunk on New Year's Eve. He would've got me stoned as well if A hadn't stepped in.
A was actually funny on New Year's Eve. For some reason, after I had my vodka and fruit juice, she kept on making me drink water and eat pretzels.
Speaking of social interactions, I have to kiss everyone over here. EVERYONE. Why? I don't know, it's France. But the weirdest part for me is that I have kissed people whose names I do not know. Which does nothing for the whole "No, I'm not a slut" thing.